The tERraN EliTeS
by Umbris de Lunum
Summary: updated with another chapter -this fic reveals the funny side of humanity's finest-
1. InTrO

The Terran Elites

Umbris de lunum

Commander: Alright men, you're here because you are the best of the best. You are the cream of the crop you are the

Firebat 1: err sir can I go to the bathroom?

Commander: Is it a number one or number two son?

Firebat 1: ..it's a number one sir.

Commander: ok, but be quick. Make sure you are back for nap time. Now move-move-move!

--the Firebat hops off towards the nearest barracks toilet--

Commander: now the zerg squad we'll be facing is pretty tough so listen up. We'll be using the 8mm c-14 gause rifle and for some of you plasma based perdition flame throwers, now when I give the order you load your weapon and shoot the target, got it ok

--the commander makes his way to a small bunker, climbs inside behind a wall of four inch thick bullet proof glass and holds out a flare gun--

Commander: ok, ready, aim, fire!!!

--the troops fiddle with catches and magazines until three hours later the majority of the Elites have a loaded weapon--

Commander: ok, your move.whoa good move! Try this he he..check huh, ill sort that out .damn you, but I never lose what makes you so special? TAKE THIS! AND THIS!! AND YOU,WITH THE BIG BADGE WITH AUTHOR ON IT WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SNIGERING ABOUT???

--Back to the terran elites--

-by now most of humanity's best were dead or severely wounded--

Marine 1: hey why is there a green circle around my feet and when I move it follows me?

Marine 2: yea, and why is there a bar just below it with three red squares in it? Huh maybe that guy knows?

Marine 1: what guy?

Marine 2: you know that guy up there with a big badge with Author on it

Umbris de lunum (author): hey how can you see me?

Marine 2: why shouldn't we be able to see you?

Umbris de lunum: well I'm the author and you're the dumb, totally thick characters!

Marine 2:hey, we may be thick and dumb- certainly but that's no reasonto insult us, I mean computer sprites have feelings to you know.

Umbris de lunum: hey, shut up ok!

--Umbris de lunum selects marine and moves him into zerg base where he is ripped to shreds by tentacles and and the claws of a thousand zerglings--

Ling 1:THE END

Ling 2: or is it????

Ling 1: yes it is the end.to be continued..maybe.

Disclamer: I do not own Starcraft or zerglings or marines or Firebat blizzard are not paying me and most of the above is copywight to Blizzard SO DON'T SUE ME!


	2. FiRst BloOd

The Terran Elites 

Chapter II- First blood -

--after the tragedy of the last chapter in which all of the Elite shot themselves and the commander is in a mental hospital, the outlook looks bleak for humanity--

---only one marine is left, his name-bill---

----this man, is the only hope for humanity, this man is the only hope for our world, this man is the only one who can save us----

bill picks up his gause rifle from the blood-stained ground, and runs straight into the zerg base. The armuor piercing spines of the hydralisks and the desprate flailing claws of the zerglings until he comes to his goal the cerabrate Zasz, aims the weapon at cerabrate's head- blob thingey and squeezes the trigger, there is a dry clickclick 

Bill: sorry, forgot to load the blasted thing, I just need to pop back to base do you mind waiting?

Zasz: Oh, that's quite allright you can borrow my car, its just out there behind the spawning pool.

Bill: thanks,

--bill climbs into a silver ford fiesta and drove away--

*

back at the base

Bill: here it is 

--bill loads the "impailer" and makes his way back to the zerg base--

Bill:thanks again, I drove beautifuly !

Zasz: oh yes, that's the advanced supension, very useful, especially over the badlands, I just had it put in, theres a guy on NobusV who did it for me he.

Umbris de lunum (author ): hey, you're meant to be killing him!

Bill: where, did that voice come from?

Zasz: Maybe it was that guy up there?

Bill:you mean the Author ?

Zasz: yea,

Bill: Hey, why should I kill him anyway?

Umbris de lunum: Look it says here in the script 

Zasz: where?

Umbris de lunun: look there on page 35.

Bill: oh, I see, no look it says I have to shoot him, not kill him 

Umbris de lunum: what? Oh it does aswell, damn!

--Author rips script into shredes--

Bill: hey, I was reading that I was about to get a meadal, for saving mankind.

Zasz: realy?

Umbris de lunun: --sigh--


	3. FiNaL aSsAuLT

The Terran Elites Chapter 3

Final Assault

--_Eventually, after much prompting from the author, Bill did Kill the Cerebrate Zasz, and has now joined the Porotoss fleet to make the final Assault on the Overmind--_

Bill: --talking to his SCVs-- Alright men I want you to build me the Best Damn base this side of.. er where is our home world?

SCV 1: Aiur isn't it?

SCV 2: No you Idiot, that's the Protoss homeworld, we live in Earth

SCV 3: Where's Earth?

SCV 1: No its Char..

SCV 2: No, no no were on char now we live in..

--_while our hero's are deciding where they live. we take you to the Zerg base where the Overmind is haching a plan--_

Overmind: Cerabrate, you must distract the Terran while I make an Assault on the Galadithor Directly. The Protoss forces are weak the will surely fall if their-

Ultralisk: Ug oooug ougg?

Overmind: _What did he say?_

Drone: Er, I think, he said "Who are you talking to?"

Overmind:I'm talking to the Playerno player,..well in that case im talking to the Auther.

Umbris de lunum (author): me?

Overmind: Yes you.

Umbris de lunum: Why can everyone see me?

Overmind: Well you are just above our heads.

Umbris de lunum: I am? what do I look like?

Overmind: you look like a cerabrate

Umbris de lunum: You mean a silver blob

Overmind: I was married to a Cerabrate onceBefore I consumed him.

Umbris de lunum: Him?..

That's all for now folks.but make sure to check out the next chapter when I wright it.

Disclamer: I do not own anything of the above accept for the above. If you want to sue me you can but may your eyes be burned and your heart eaten by mutant chickens..


End file.
